Help Your Child Overcome Fear and Resistance Over Going to School...
Well it’s school time again… and many youngsters, especially young children starting kindergarten or first grade tend to break out with sudden and mysterious bouts stomach pains, dizziness, vomiting, or headaches. In most cases the cause is School Phobia, arising from anxiety and emotional fear of going to school.
Fear and resistance over going to school is especially common during kindergarten, when children change teachers or classrooms, after a child has been absent from school for a vacation or an illness, and when they are going to a new school. A number of youngsters are fearful or resistant about their first day of school for several reasons….
It is perfectly normal for children between the age of to 5 and 8 be resistant, ask questions and feel afraid, but adolescents (teenagers) who are struggling in school with academic or social problems may also develop a school phobia..
The majority of children who refuse school, however, are between 8 and 13 years old. Some are trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings associated with school.
Most children find going to school exciting and enjoyable although of course nearly all children have times when they don't want to go.
One of the reasons why your child may have school phobia is that your child may be afraid to be separated from you. This is called separation anxiety.
Causes can also be related to home and school:
They are afraid of the unknown.
They are afraid of what others children will do.
Or, they are strong willed and have oppositional tendencies.
When school phobia arises in young children, the problem typically stems from overprotective parents, and an over dependent child… What Can Parents Do? School phobia can be prevented by encouraging independence in a child.
Steps to do this:
1 When a child is around age 6 months, the parents should consider leaving the child with a trusted family member, and having regular evenings out alone.
2 Around age 2 years, every child should be left at home with a trusted and qualified baby sitter, while the parents are out. (Use caution, know your babysitter!)
3 By age 3, the child should experience being left somewhere other than home with the babysitter, while the mother shops or goes to work: Reliable and safe babysitting or licensed, qualified daycares are excellent examples of how Toddlers and preschoolers can benefit from structured experiences with other adults.
4 By age 3 or 4 the child should be allowed to play in a safe environment (such as a fenced yard) by himself, within the constant view of a parent or family member. (Again, use caution).
5 By the age of 5 the child should be allowed to interact with other children in his neighborhood, or on the playground: Many communities have opportunities for preschoolers such as story hour at the library, preschool religious training such as bible school, recreational activities, preschool etc.
6 Talk To Your Child. Talk to your child in advance, several times about going to school. You should do this even after school starts. Listen and be interested in what they tell you. Stay calm, give them information about what will happen, share your initial fear and your positive experiences when you first went to school. Tell them you understand how they feel, but don’t tell them they shouldn’t feel that way. Sometimes children just need to think out loud and their fear will eventually fade
7 Get To Know The School. Take your child to visit their school one or two times at least a few days before school officially starts. Most schools have a pre-school day where parents can come to school, met their teacher and be with their child. Bring a snack and have some fun on the playground.
Note: In today’s world of predators and pedophiles, I would not suggest leaving your child alone in public, or in the care of total strangers. (Please be wise, and do your research).
When the child fusses at separation from the parent, the best strategy is to inform the child calmly that the child is to stay in school, and that the parent will return for him. Then leave quickly…
Children typically have more difficulty separating if their parents hover, linger, become upset, wait for the child to calm down or attempt to reason with the child. A firm, caring and quick separation is usually better for both parent and child. Preschool caregivers will typically report to the parent that the child's distress quickly disappears.
Normally fears of separation in a child should be resolved by age 5 or 6.
A child who does not want to go to school is experiencing stress, and an important part of solving the problem is for the adults involved to assess what may have gone wrong. When a child seeks to avoid school, the parents are advised to quickly request consultation with both the classroom teacher and the school psychologist.
If unresolved, chronic school phobia or avoidance may result in more than family distress… Academic deterioration, poor peer relationships, school or legal conflicts, work or college avoidance, panic attacks, agoraphobia and adult psychological or psychiatric disorders may result.
